Saturday, October 3, 2009

What I've been doing while I've been present, feeling the presence.

Sometimes, apparently, I find myself in a blogging dry spell, during which time I have nothing to say. It is during these dry spells that I am thinking. Some people, who like to use big words, call it being "in a time of discernment."

While I do like big words, and funny words, and all kinds of words, really, I also might describe my times of discernment as periods of "correction." It's kind of like the stock market correcting itself. With me, I'm discerning whether I need to get off whatever wayward path I have ventured down, and why. When it comes to the Painted Groove career path, the discernment is required to determine the worthiness of whatever I have discerned to be my next step.

Or, as one who get kicks out of mangling the English language, sometimes I just need to "confirn" I'm on the right track. Now that I am emerging from my dry spell, I would like to confirn that I have nothing brilliant or life-altering to say. My developing humility may be bad for blogging.

During my latest time-out from blogging, I have been wrestling with how to organize my life -- again. My painted groove has been in transition. I thought, by this point, that I would be in a serious, smokin' groove, with a whole lot of creative time on my hands. During all this newfound creative time, I'd work like a demon. I'm all about the working. But then, my plans never quite work out the way I imagine they should. Should, should, should.

When my newfound creative time didn't become reality, I spiraled off on a tangent. Does anybody else do that? I'm a big tangent goer, from way back. So I've been whirling about, trying to figure out what went wrong with my plan. Then someone smart smacked me upside the head and told me that if I were to "be present" and practice the discipline of "living in the now." Then, somebody else smart said I needed to "be present" and "feel His presence." I didn't even know what that meant. How does that work with multi-tasking?

So I thought about that for a while, and here's the deal: The new plan is to "be present" for whatever it is that I am doing, for that time. And then when it's time for the next thing, or job, or requirement, or commitment, or insane request, I'm working on moving on to thinking about that.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Only I just learned this radical concept the other day. How can you spend a lifetime not knowing something so simple? What that one very smart person told me is that "being present" or staying "in the now" is a "spiritual discipline." Did he mean that to be a challenge?

Ever since this very smart person told me about this "spiritual discipline," probably knowing all too well that I'm just the type to rise to the challenge if you tell me it's spiritual and a discipline, I've been thinking differently. If it is time to take care of my kids, I do that, and keep it within those bounds -- until it's time to think about art and painting.

LIFE SHATTERING!!! It's so effective. Break it up. Don't make everyone suffer through you reading bedtime stories while thinking about your next money-making venture. Your heart isn't in it. And EVERYONE WILL NOTICE! I'm not talking to you unless I need to be talking to you ... I'm talking to me.

Ever notice how your husband isn't listening to you while he's watching TV or working on the computer or driving or whatever? Can you imagine how that must feel to a little kid? Ugh. I cannot even imagine. I wonder how it feels to a husband when no one is "present" for him?

So never fear. I'm still working up creative proposals, and placing paint orders, and figuring out how to cover the walls of an entire entryway with the 23rd Psalm. I designed some flower arrangements, painted some furniture, transformed a little tiny powder room, in between and after making a whole bunch of peanut butter sandwiches, some pretty awesome carne guisada,
in between braiding some spectacular braided pigtails and getting everyone to soccer, softball and the informational meeting for the Washington, D.C. trip. Oh, and the emergency room. And, best of all, I can confirn that I am not yet insane.

I painted a painting that I loved enough to let people see. I don't even know who bought it. The title of it was "Control is Overrated."

Mary snapped this pic on the way to school one day. Poor thing. Now I have my daughter noticing clouds and marveling at the wonder of it all.

I got some really kickass shoes. And shaved my legs.

I enjoyed this sunset on my birthday. The air was dry and I was happy to breathe it.

There was a spectacular cloudview in Marathon on Sept. 28th.

I got to visit some mountains and combat evil all in the same night.

This flower arrangement really dresses up this nurses' station at Nesbit LRC. I still want to be a florist when I grow up. But before that, maybe I can get a job at Green Gate in the spring.
It's a garden center.

I saw this pillow while shopping at TJ Maxx/Homegoods. I have officially seen it all. You really want one, don't you?

So this is what I've learned and what I've been doing and what I've seen. In all my craziness. I am blessed.

1 comment:

Greyeyes said...

So, someone got you on the "Be Here Now" thing. I won't say good or bad on that as it is a very personal discipline for me. What i will comment on is thus: I was happy to see that you had written something again. I was beginning to think my blogger had H1N1 and noone knew, so, Thanks. As for your comment about a husband or a child talking and not getting the benefit of an active listener? I'd say sure, it happens, but it happens regardless of age, gender, or affiliation between parties. I'm sure that you already know the answer to the question of how it feels, it is lonely. I believe that it hurts us spiritually by recognising that we aren't getting the listeners attention we are at some level diminished. Just my shekels worth, unless i'm an idiot and didn't actively read what you wrote. Great, now i have to go back and read it again. Be Cool, D