Solving Faux Problems

So I have this really great client who I love and who has played a really pivotal role in my life even though she probably doesn't even know it, starting about six years ago when I first did my faux-painting thing in her living room and on some built-in shelves. She recently asked me to help her "patch" some places in the walls.

Well this required floating out the sheet rock and blowing new texture so I called in Narciso and his experts for that. They did an incredible job without even making a mess. Now it's my turn and I've been trying to not only match what I did six years ago, but also what someone else did before that. It's impossible. My former faux is fixed and it's really passable.

But in the bedroom -- that's another story. Today I stood there dabbing a bit of glaze here, another glob there, -- not knowing what in the hell the other faux painter used or what he was trying to do. Did he use a rag, a sponge? Surely not an Ultimate Stippler like I love. Amidst all those question marks floating around in the air above my head, I came up with a solution to everyone's problem.

Beautiful Gwynne just needs to buy a bigger bookshelf to cover up the not-so-matchy patches and it will solve the whole problem.

And if that doesn't work, she just needs to hire me to repaint her whole master bedroom so we can start over. I think that would be my preference, actually. Right now it's what my daughter Caroline calls a ba-saster.